Al Abam Tar Pit

Well, on Tuesday, the Bubbas (and Real People) of Alabam went to the polls – in small fraction – and voted – the first stage leading to a national election.

In Greater Metropolitan Arab, we have one polling place, located in the busiest part of town so that all the roads leading to it are reduced to parking lots. I mention this as an introduction to the mental faculties of Alibam office holders.

Result One: The ballot was instructive that the Democruds are running the current senator who has a record of doing more good for the citizens of Alibam than all the other Alibam senators have in the last twenty years. The Repulsians had eight or nine (I lost count) candidates and the voting came down to a run-off. It is indicative of the nature of the majority of the citizenry of Alibam that the run-off will be between a Pornography Purveyor and a Bigotry Bohmer. 

This result definitely upheld Alibam’s reputation as one of the most Third World states on the planet.

Result Two: The ballot also included a constitutional amendment – no one, including the state office holders – really trusts the state office holders – to change the state Educational Board of Politicals to a State Board of Political Appointees. This was motivated – supposedly – because Alibam is dead last of all Yankee Republic states and territories in maths.

I’m not at all sure – in fact, basically clueless – how this change would help. Frankly, between the Politicals who pine for the good ole days of chattel slavery and the Bubbas who are deathly afraid of anyone who can think or be rational, it is pretty evident that the majority of Alibamians don’t want any Nerds or Geeks in the state, especially not related to them, which would be a terminal embarrassment for the Bubbas and probably political suicide for the Politicals. There are, of course, a few NERD Alibamians who have to endure the taunts of the Bubbas and Politicals about why they don’t leave the state, completely missing the concept of allegiance, prove the Chicken Man’s argument that “good student are successful in spite of bad teachers.” 

And when it comes to Nerdery, Alibam has lots of well meaning, industrious, but woefully NERD ignorant teachers. For example, the average Alibam high schule maths teacher got no further than introductory algebra in college. In fact, that’s the most advanced maths course taught in most of Alibam’s teacher colleges.

Anyway, the point is that the amendment failed to pass by a large margin, probably because the average Alibamian is deathly afraid of anyone who can actually do maths. In fact, they have been known to drape themselves in sheets and burn anyone with these capabilities at the stake. 

Which reminds me of my Great Uncle George telling me one time that sometimes you just have to burn down the house and start over.