Bat Mail

As in Bats In The Belfry.

Yesterday, I ran across an article [Link] entitled “Amazing! This New Gmail Feature Will Let You Know If You’re Being Normal In An Email” announcing/describing that Gooey, the folks who provide you with their information tar activities, will roll out a feature that natters your email composition.

Rather reminds me of that Paper Clip ghost that MegaHard cursed humanity with some years ago. Happily, it could be shredded into oblivion.

I have to admit that this article was disturbing from the title onward. I was disturbed by the (now common) misuse of the word “normal.” Normal has a meaning of either orthogonality or boundedness. That latter is a bit difficult for BOGs to handle so I will elaborate: the mathematical function goes to zero for large values of the argument. In this case, argument means value of the independent variable.

Sadly, too many BOGs think the “normal” means proper or civilized or cultured or house-broken. It doesn’t but given the high value placed on stupidity and ignorance in the Yankee Republic, I have no illusion that people who use “normal” inaccurately will change their ways. 

The college “educated” of these, who passed a brain depleted statistics course, seem to think normal is some range on a Gaussian distribution. I am unsure of whether to weep or curse at this absence of boundedness. 

Anyway, back to the idiocy of Gooey. The article gives some examples of how this algorithm operates. I was amused (bemused?) by the first which is an attack on something I got taught years ago when eMail had just seeped out of DARPA on how to communicate effectively in the sterile environment of eMail. This course advocated exaggeration, parentheticals, and even the ASCII cartoons calledd “smiley faces” in those days.

Now Gooey has a nattering paperclip that tells me not to do these things.

This is not to say that my composition skills are as good as I should like. But that’s about syntax, not Gooey’s dream of social “normality.” 

I have to admit that it did take me back to those good ole days of the original MegaHard paperclip when I wondered if I kept ignoring the eShmuck (stupid and EVIL!) that a buffer would overflow with my transgressions and the wee beastie would die a righteous Christian death of apoplexy over the infidelity and blasphemy? Sadly, my patience eroded first and I haad a few seconds of glee at the painful demise (for it, not me!) before the needs of reality intruded again.

Perhaps that’s Gooey’s problem? Like so many other iCorporations, they seem to have lost sight of their own limitations. Or perhaps they are planning on becoming the new religion of the masses? The sepulcher of the Holy Byte?