Food Foolery

When I was motoring down the mountain to Nawth Alibam’s Shining City on the Hill, I heard on the wireless that the old Confeederacy was the thickest part of the country for fast food fooleries. 

This was not surprising and even though the announcement came from NPR which is well known to be a front for the current administration’s prevarications, a source was cited that permitted a modicum of validation.

This led me to a bit of cogitation. The density of McGarbage in the Sowth seems to fit. After all, Southron cooking is traditionally poor to inexecreable – literally. Although on occasion explosively or nauseatingly execrable. 

This stems from the traditional life style. Cooking practices were low heat for long periods, mostly because of the shoddy or nonexistent dentistry in the Sowth. This carried over after gas and electrons could be used for cooking. My mother normally prepared beans by low boil for twenty-four hours. Needless to say they had neither integrity nor taste after that treatment. 

I have often wondered how much of this cooking style was due to the propaganda against unionization to alleviate the serfdom of almost everyone in the Sowth or the propaganda of contradictory religion bent on preserving the lifestyle of divines. The Sowth is an oligarchy in multiple dimensions, mostly because of the asentience and aintelligence of its people. 

Anyway, the insipidity and poisonousness of the fast food places – I deign to dignify them as restaurants – is apparently in full keeping with Southron culinary vapidity. To say nothing for the deep satisfaction of projectile regurgitation or projectile diarrhea – and perhaps both. Nothing is quite so digestively satisfying to crimson napes as a deep fried “hamburger” made of a mixture of rancid bovinity and tender annelids. 

This alimentary cess pool mentality also seems to carry over into other aspects of Southron kulture and sokiety. I noted recently that the current audio-visual advertisements for the candidates for state Leftenant Guvnuh accuse the other of having the faults and sins of the accuser. Ah, what a shining example of democracy in action. And generally consumed like those “hamburgers” by the general populace of Alibam. 

There is a down side to both of these: lack of choice. No one is permitted to stand for office – seriously – who is not sanctified by the holy see of the state parteis. And because of their proliferation, the fast food places have destroyed real fooderies in most part of the Sowth. So one is confronted with only sorry choices. On both azimuths of nurtition and good governance. 

Of course if one is addicted to the anti-eucarist of daily regurgitation, then the Sowth is indeed a new Eden. Complete with reptiles in both the legislature and the intestines.