Delivery Ratings

As with most people, I buy a lot of stuff on-line. It’s a necessity in Greater Metropolitan Arab where almost everything you need is either unavailable or hideously overpriced.

So I thought I would share my personal ratings on delivery services:

  • MalWart – F– – doesn’t delivery, just makes me come to store to pick up overpriced crap.
  • FedEx – F – dumps stuff in driveway, no signal – misdelivers 63% of instances
  • UPS (self-deliver) – C – dumps stuff on porch, seldom signals, misdelivers 38% 
  • UPS (USPS delivery) – B – see below
  • USPS – A – drives up, blows horn, dumps stuff on porch, rings bell, misdelivers <5%

I also offer a strong overdose of phenolthalein to all those repulsian evilgelicals who downtalk the Yankee government. If you discorporate on the porcelain throne you can be interred in it.