College Totems

The sky continues to drippeth. And ye weather beavers foretell that it will continue through the morrow. But the air temperature is seemly and hence the wetting can be abided.

The gym was pleasantly scant and the podcast, an episode of the CBC’s “Best of Ideas” dealing with “alien” species was passable if overdone and wholly implausible. Apparently bogs are willing to consume anything or carry about anything despite their vapid protestations of “gross” and such.

Alien in this instance does not mean animals (?) that evolved on other planets but animals that are not “native”. 

The humor of the situation is good. A human podcast about furrin critters when humans are distinctly not native to the Americas. But humans cannot be listed as alien infestations since that would alienate (or more likely, confuse) bogs and incite religion terrorists. Humans, after all, cannot be animals because we have language and thumbs and smarts and kill each other and generally practice – knowingly – evil. Usually for reasons that are specious and vapid. Like organizational religion?

Anyway, since this weekend was – thankfully – the end of the football season – except for the insanity and start annoyance of “bowl” games, true toilet tragedies, it occurred to me to wonder why there is so little originality in the sport. If we survey high schules we find they all have totems that are the fighting something, usually an animal or antiquarian proclivity. The fighting bit is surprising given that it evokes sheer violence and violence is a considerable bug-bear in schules these days. Apparently such concerns are inapplicable to pornographic athletics.

I have given up any hope of influencing this stupidity and since SCPdatter is long past the idiocy (immersed in others now) I have resigned myself to ignoring the matter as being stress relieving.

Universities are some better. MIT has the beaver as its totem and its athletic prowess is famously inept, but it is a pinnacle of mediocrity in a sea of disgust. My alma materi, the Crimson Tide, the Fighting Illini, the (?) Chargers, and nothing, illustrate the middle ground of this. Obviously one associates crimson tide with red tide, an algal bloom that kills myriads of fish, Illini refer to an Amerind tribe which has litigated in its greed several times, Chargers are amusing since horses evolved in North America and then went extinct there but not before a reverse crossing of the Bering land bridge – hence an alien invader, and none refers to the Army War College where all the students are 40+ years of age, forbidden contact sports, and only permitted to play basketball or volleyball after a medical examination. 

In that spirit I cast by mind to think of some better (?) totems, preferably ones that would not result in spasms of litigation or political correctness (so no Amerinds):

  • the Nauseating Rock Snot (assuming snot to be collective;)
  • the Ubiquitous Tardigrades (can even survive outer space?:)
  • the Mutable Influenzas;
  • the Visual Demodexi;
  • the Collegiate Microbiome; and
  • the Grunting Annelids.

I could continue but some sustenance might help. Selah