Head First

Gentlemen wear hats. They may wear caps when engaged in sporting activities or driving motorcars. Unless there is some organizational or religionist requirements, both are removed when indoors. Those who depart from these rules are bogs and poltroons.[1]

At  least that was the way I was raised here in the old Confederacy. There were some caveats that had been amended evolutionarily: Weather permitting, hat wearing was optional. Motorcars and other transportation did not count as indoors – maybe. And the custom of tipping hats to women and seniors was in disrepair.

I have reached an age where hat wearing is often a necessity. The circulation of blood is densest on the surface over hands, feet, and head. I am told this evolved to dispose of heat from walking, working, and thinking. One wonders whether bogs still have all that much blood flow over their heads? But hats need be worn in some temperature conditions to assure the head does not become overly deheated and all sorts of difficulties accrue including disease and misthought.

It is hard to procure hats these days. The young do not wear them, citing the excuse that transportation is indoors, which is not too bad given that almost all such vehicles are now heated and cooled. This argument is largely negated by their practice of wearing caps at all times and usually in a reversed fashion so that no benefit is obtained from the vizor and they generally look like schmucks. Look?, nay, behave as. They also generally ignore the removal requirement and hence brand themselves as bogs and poltroons. Clearly an indication of both defective genetic material and inadequate parental guidance, both the result of incompetent and irresponsible ancestors.

The problem is that with this young bog attitude that weather protection is irrelevant, one is largely unable to find any place in modern places of commerce where coats and hats may be securely stowed. One is thus in a position of what does one do with a hat? The choices are to continue to wear it, which results in excessive head heat, holding it, which restricts activity and action, or not frequenting the establishment.

And they wonder why we are in a recession and businesses are failing?

[1]  Poltroon, n. [F. poltron, from It. poltrone an idle fellow, sluggard, coward, poltro idle, lazy, also, bed, fr. OHG. polstar, bolstar, cushion, G. polster, akin to E. bolster. See Bolster.]   An arrant coward; a dastard; a craven; a mean-spirited wretch. –Shak.   [1913 Webster]

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