As Mr. Rogers used to sing, Its a Wonderful Day in the Neighborhood. In reviewing the RSS feeds this mawnin, I decided I should bore y’awl with the happenings of a typical day in Nawth Alabama.The news, as usual is dominated by our mighty neighbor to the Nawth, Huntsville, home of the Yankee Army’s Redstone Arsenal and NASA’s Marshall Space Flight Center. Typically, NASA gets the bulk of the publicity, mostly because something like 50% of their budget is for publicity. The bulk of the money spent and the work done is by the Yankee Army and the Department of Defense.
The lion’s share of this money is connected with research, development, and procurement of new wonder weapons and systems like missiles and helicopters. In fact, most of Huntsville is paid for by the Army and Department of Defense. Its the richest (except maybe Homewood), most educated (mostly Yankees with degrees from other places than U Alabama and Auburn), and egotistical town in Alabama. Well except maybe Homewood, which is pretty obnoxious.
The legal situation in Huntsville yesterday was typical. [Link] INTERGRAPH, a home grown information company that can’t make up its mind whether to be a defense contractor, a hardware company, or a software company, or a mixture, decided to sue Fujitso, Toshiba, and NEC, alleging infringement of its Clipper patents. Simultaneously, the Yankee government is coming down hard on a (former) Huntsville captain of constables on possessing and transporting child pornography.
I know that’s only two anecdotes, but do you see the pattern?
Both of these articles came out of the Huntsville Times, which is the premiere newspaper in Huntsville, having pushed all the others out of business. Except the all ads tabloids. AS a result, the Times can change for anything they want. You call them on the phone and they want a credit card number to charge the time they spend talking to you.
On a state level, the Yankee Government got a guilty verdict for the previous Governor of Alabama yesterday on charges of bribery, conspiracy, mail fraud and obstruction of justice. [Link] They also got the head of HealthSouth. But they let the minions go. Now we’ll see if they make the governor crawl on his knees to Canterbury?
Oh, for the days when Alabama governors went on state-wide television drunk and blabbered about being a thief. Unlike today when the governor comes on television and tells you how much money he saved the taxpayers?
Yes, it was a quiet day in Nawth Alabama. No church burnings by college students. (I used to think there were more churches in Alabama than restrooms. I was wrong! Turns out 78% of all the rest rooms in Alabama, including home facilities, are in churches. And a few synagogues and meeting houses!) No abortion clinic bombings by religious fanatics. (They just use the court system now to starve the clinics into extinction.)
They did hold the preliminaries for the Alabama Junior Miss pageant yesterday, but that was in South Alabama. Gave out a record amount of scholarships. Evidently the time spent getting ready for those pageants keeps you from studying and getting an academic scholarship. Anyway, it assures the state institutions of higher education of ample enrollment in cosmetology, education, home economics, and law.
Pageants are the great women’s sport in Alabama. Those who can do, and those who can’t watch. The great male sport is automobiles. The ideal is NASCAR. All those who can do, and those who can’t drive to work as if they can. No wonder we have global warming. It isn’t the soccer moms in California, its the NASCAR addicts in Alabama.