Ex Oram Stupidus

One of the hilarious (and disgusting) aspects of Alibam political campaigns is the stupidity displayed by the candidates.

This takes two forms: the stupidity of the candidates; and the stupidity of the electorate. And, of course, the candidates completely depend on the latter to get elected.

Right now, the only candidates displaying their stupidity are the Repulsians, but that’s only because the Democruds haven’t made any display at all. One has to wonder if the Democruds have written Alibam off as not worth saving?

The most amusing (and distressing) of the Repulsians is Tim Fob’sSon who displays all the stupidity aspects possible. Almost everything he says is wrong and one has to wonder if the boy hated his dad so much that he ignored all advice and upbringing? Anyway, the fellow (and I use that term loosely and with grave doubt,) not only utters pure stupidity, his utterances indicate that he thinks the Alibam electorate is terminally stupid as well.

The second run-up is the woman (at least she appears to be a woman on television but that is in question since it seems impossible that a woman can be so stupid. Is “she” really trans?) who seems ignorant that immigration is a Federal (as in Yankee Government) matter that the state of Alibam has NO control over.

So the real question of this election here in Alibam is which is the more stupid: the candidates or the electorate?

The World Wonders.

I also heard a rumor that Mr. Putin’s next target is Alibam because the citizens are too stupid to resist and won’t give him grief like the Ukranians. And, he supposedly expects, that Mr. Biden will happily give him Alibam without contest. 

Detergent Dilemma

Just watched a TIDE commercial on the electro-magnetic audio-visual orthicon. It was rather face smashing and ear harming.

But the strongest sensation was wondering whether George Toffel would approve?

Somehow, I have my doubts.

Telephonic Toilet Paper

This morning I got the weekly Register article summary in my InBox. One of the off-putting articles was [Link] “How Your Smartphone Can Replace Your Laptop.”

Let me caution that I am officially an Old Retired Flatulence. I have a piece of official USG cardboard telling me so. 

But I will tell you that not only can my smartphone not replace any of my laptops, my laptops can’t replace any of my workstations. In fact, so far as I am concerned, my smartphone is more of a burden than a blessing.

This primarily results from my being rather nearsighted, as in ocular condition, not how well I plan for the future. That means that to use my smartphone, I have to first cease whatever I am doing (as in driving my motorcar, e.g.,) then drag my eyeglasses out of their case and onto my nose, and then – finally – drag out my smart phone.

I should comment that my smartphone claims to have a verbal command function but the speech analyzer copes failingly with my over-educated Alibam accent. It also lacks an adequate vocabulary in both and educated and Alibam sense. “Crimson Tide” is interpreted as “Red Sea.”

Another failure feature is that the contact sensing of the screen is incompatible with my septuagenarian finger tips. Invariably, the tap one of several choices turns into a reboot or similar catastrophe.

I used to have a very utile flip-phone. But it wouldn’t do text messages and I was forced to get this “smart” phone because everyone seemed to want to send an illiterate telegram instead of talking. 

Resultingly, I do as little as I have to with my smartphone. My colleagues know that I shut it down when I am at home or in my motorcar. (I shan’t remonstrate on trying to use the beast while motoring!) 

I am much more comfortable with a monitor and keyboard – with keys that fit my fingers – and a rodent pointer. For one thing, I can turn off the messaging client on my computer. And I can disengage the cellular telephone since I have a land line. Which does not inherently support these pseudo-telegraphic messages. 

I am also rather disengaged with the cost of these devices. I have colleagues who brag of getting some cellular at a price that I paid for my first motorcar. I brag  that my cellular cost me less than my keyboard, mostly because it is less useful to me than my keyboard. IMHO, the cost of something should reflect its utility. Which is why I am willing to pay more for a year’s supply of toilet paper than for a cellular telephone. And more for a wireless subscription for my motorcar than the service plan for the cellular. 

I also am coming to the conclusion that the old rule “90% of everything is crap” applies to the humans who have cellular telephones. Which seems to be everyone with a motorcar. And that hypothesis is well supported by ALL of my observational data.

Politician Impotence

No, not sexual. Political.

I was watching the electro-magnetic image orthicon this morning, and Alibam’s least smart politician – DurAin’t – came on and proceeded to rattle off his list of the things that are wrong with society – all inside the District – and proclaim that he was going to “fix” things.

And since these claims are the same as they have been so long as I have been watching television – over half a century – I shrugged at his prevarications. 

But then my brain actually kicked in and I asked myself why do we have problems like these?

And the hypothesis that seemed the surest emerged – that these problems aren’t fixable but politicians like DurAin’t just want power and prestige. 

(Evidently owning a manufacturing company embezzling money from the citizenry isn’t enough?)

And here we have thought all along that these politicians were just totally incompetent and couldn’t accomplish anything other than fooling our mentally compromised into voting for them.

When it was actually just a scheme to steal money. Which they – the elected – seem to be doing.

So why bother with elections? They are expensive and evidently produce nothing but human sewage. Why not just have a lottery> We put every registered voter’s name in a data base and have a computer perform random selections of who gets to go to the District and be incompetent. 

Isn’t that a more Democratic – as in the nation, not the partei – solution? And cheaper, for everyone concerned.

Alibam Civilization

While perusing my in-box this mawnin’, I encountered a link to an article [Link] about two of our county (Marshall, named, I believe for a supreme court justice?) citizens had “mooned” county constables.

I have to admit that I had not encountered the term “mooned” recently. In fact, I can’t recall its use in my presence since I matriculated at the Alibam University of Futbull. (The high standards there are one of the reasons I earned a triple major in four years.)

I should also admit that the family moved here because the schules in Arab were better than the ones in Huntsville. And once moved here, we stayed mostly because of the quiet and generally low demands on our time. Marshall County has almost zero civic activities; even the political candidates are lazy and unengaging. 

I have to admit never having met the current Sheriff of Marshall, nor, I believe, any of his predecessors. I have held converse with a couple of deputies at the local polling place and they struck me as competent, intelligent individuals. Which probably explains why the miscreants in the article didn’t wind up in one of our county medical facilities. Not that such would not have been justified given the nature of their transgressions. 

Stupidity Season

Well, we have reached the segment of the political campaign season in Alibam where the candidates compete with each other to be the most stupid, usually by coming up with some abysmally inaccurate claim that they think cements their popularity with the “Bubba” crowd.

In this case, Ali-Bubbas are people who don’t know what they like – and hence like nothing – but do know what they don’t like and they live their lives negatively.

One of our gubernatorial candidates – I shall omit his name lest I be accused of slander by the prevaricator – claims that wearing masks causes the bairns to become mentally ill. This is a popular meme among the Bubbas, mostly because they are unable to tell friend from foe if other people are wearing masks. But they can’t actually admit to people that they are fearful of death or illness, so they lash out at people who do wear masks. In effect, it’s a paradigm of the age old Alibam competition between “Stupid” and “Smart”. 

Happily, I ran across an article [Link] on this very subject, and while it’s a general (at least in states where the population is knowledgeable and not-STUPID/IGNORANT) in nature, it’s based on real research. But don’t tell the Bubbas because they think Science Nerds are out to kill them.

The other notable candidate is some self-serving schmuck who is blaming the Guvnuh for not placing copies of the “Ten Commandments” – the statements, not the cinema – in schules. What the candidate is ignoring in his rush to tear down a worthwhile office holder is that permission to display religionist propaganda in schules must be approved by the local schule board. And every county in Alibam and all of the larger cities and towns have schule boards. That means permission must be obtained from about a hundred semi-political boards and we know some of them are going to flat out say “NO!” because of the legal complexities of permitting one religion’s propaganda in the schules.

That’s what happens in a state where the people who run for office want to adopt their particular nutbag sect as the official state religion. 

Alabama Political Stupidity

I was watching the news on the electro-magnetic image orthicon this morning when my attention was diverted to a commercial by Tim Jim Fob-son.

He was claiming that wearing masks caused schule children to become mentally disturbed and blamed all of this on the current Guvnuh.

The question I then had to wrangle mentally was whether Tim Jim was lying or actually believed what he was saying? And which was worse?

Incidentally, the primary reason for the kids’ being mentally disturbed was not masks, it was being kept out of schule and deprived of their social interaction with other children. In matter of fact, the wearing of masks was partially beneficial in this because it allowed the children to hide their emotions better.

So is the candidate – Tim Jim – a liar or just a stupid schmuck?

Or both? 

Regardless, he is certainly an embarrassment to his father. 

 

Biggest Schmuck?

One of the disturbing things about Alibam elections is the competition among politicians – primarily Repulsians – for being the most stupid and embarrassing.

This year the competition is primarily among three candidates: Root-Vegetable-Small-Town; Tim Jim Fobson; and Dur-Ain’t.

The first is a Professional (?) Pornographer who is actually a legal citizen of the Floridas who came nawth because the Floridas politicians had enough sense to deny him any opportunity in that state. He is running primarily on his record as a collegiate pornographer.

The second is the son (or so he claims) of a former Alibam guvnuh who was mediocre at best but will probably look very good in comparison to his son should he be elected. His election strategy is to make no decisions while in office.

The third is an incompetent entrepreneur whose business is failing and needs to be elected for the money. He is apparently the most accomplished prevaricator of the three, given his claims of military service. 

Sadly, the chances of these schmucks being elected is pretty high given the decrepitude of the Alibam electorate. Also sadly, that means more of the usual governance in ALibam.

No wonder we are dead last in the Union.

Impotency

Just caught a political commercial for DurAin’t. He claims to be an outsider. Not sure Repulsians know what that means.

It means the candidate, if elected, will be impotent. One vote among many with no allies. 

So how is that good for the state?

Sounds more like delusional arrogance to me.

Or maybe, stupidity?

Toilet Trumphant

It  appears that we can add a new nickname to the list standing for our previous presidente, Der Dumpfh.

He will now also be known as “The Flusher.” [Link]